Trigun Randomness
by Wolf-of-Hope
Summary: Random, storyline-less bits to keep me entertained until I update one of my other stories. Slight yaoi references, nothing too descriptive. Meant to be funny, generally.
1. Accusations

**These are rather random, and were made pretty much for my own humor, as well as to keep me entertained until I get off my arse and update my "To Be The Greatest". And some of these contain very slight yaoi references, but nothing descriptive. So, read and review. **

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun...I have to keep saying that...I don't own Trigun...Or Knives...grrr...  
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"You called for me, Master?" Legato said quietly, as he knelt on the floor. When there was no reply, he looked up, then stood. Master Knives stood near the wall, staring at it as if he were reading something. Finally, Legato ventured, "Master?"

"Yes, I did," Knives said coolly, and turned around. Before Legato respectfully lowered his head, he caught sight of his Master's eyes, which were slightly puffy and rimmed red. Was Master not sleeping properly again? He raised his head again, and watched. Knives stood there, staring at his hand, which was randomly tracing patterns on the back of a chair. "So, Legato," he began, an overly casual tone to his voice. "How's Midvalley?"

"Good, Master," Legato answered, puzzled and slightly worried.

"And Wolfwood?" Knives continued.

"He's been with Vash a lot lately, more than I would rather," Legato replied, then caught himself from wincing. Knives paused, then looked straight at him.

"Am I...not good enough for you, Legato?" Knives asked, sounding offended. Legato's eyes widened.

"No, Master! Never! Why would you think that?"

"Don't pretend like you don't know," Knives choked out, his voice becoming strangely high-pitched. He crossed the room, and slapped Legato in the face. "I know you've been with them, you bastard!"

Legato stumbled back slightly, clutching his reddening face. "Master, it's not like that!" He started. "I just get, well, bored sometimes, you know"

"So now I'm not satisfying?" Knives shrieked, tears filling his eyes. "I bore you?"

"Of course not, Master! Those two are nothing, mere...playthings. You mean so much more to me!" Legato started forward, arms outspread, but Knives stepped back.

"Do I?" he asked icily, and sniffed. "You told me you loved me! Did you just say that to make me happy? I heard you tell Midvalley and Wolfwood _and _Vash the same thing!"

"But, Master, I was just telling them that"

"Were you just telling me that, too?" Knives turned away, sobbing.

"Master" Legato said desperately, moving towards him.

"No! No, Legato! It's over with us!"

Legato dropped his outstretched arm, and sighed with despair. He lowered his head, then turned to leave. Just before he reached the door, he called back, "I still love you so much, Master. I always have, and always will."

There was a startled sniff. "Rreally?" Knives asked, and Legato turned back. There was a hopeful look to the Master's wide eyes.

Legato smiled. "Really, Master." This time, when he spread his arms, Knives dove into them, and they embraced.  
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"That was great," Knives breathed, smiling up at him. Legato smiled back.

They lay in Knives' huge bed, with the Master snuggled up tightly against him.

"With you, it is always the most wonderful," Legato replied.  
+

**Yes...Knives is Legato's bitch for this one...oh, well... **

Wolf


	2. Student Counselor Pt 1

**Part one of my Student Counselor chapters. Not exactly meant to be funny, but to satisfy me and my Trigun-addict friends. Chelsea is one of them, who was lucky enough to be picked by me to be used with Knives. ((You owe me, Murphetti!))  
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Chelsea headed towards the counselor's office, curious. She had been told by the girl who delivered the counselor notices that today her normal counselor was gone, and they had a sub. She wondered who it was.

She gave a light knock on the door, and heard a crisp, almost icy voice say, "Come in." Chelsea opened the door quickly and stepped inside, shutting it behind her. Then she looked at her counselor.

He appeared in his twenties, with pale blond hair and sharp hard blue eyes. A shudder went through her when she saw the "Hello, My Name Is" sticker on his shirt, which read "Knives" in neat red letters. A guy with a freakish name like that was her counselor!

"Sit down," he commanded, and she automatically obeyed, taking the chair across from him. "What is your problem?" He had one leg crossed over the other, and his head rested on his crossed fingers. He looked very sophisticated, and slightly scary.

"Well, lately I've been pretty depressed," she began.

"Then kill yourself," Knives replied calmly.


	3. Arachniphobic

**Li'l bit of background on the twins. Hyphen marks are supposed to be astericks, but FF won't let me do them.  
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((Knives and Vash as children:))

Knives: You wanted to save the butterfly, right?

Vash: I wanted to save them both!

Knives: -puzzled- But...you're...arachniphobic...

Vash: What?

Knives: -exasperated- You know, afraid of spiders!

Vash: Yeah, well... still, that doesn't matter! You didn't have to kill the spider!

Knives: -evil grin- Does it really make you that mad?

Vash: YES! You killed it!

Knives: Fine, then...-drops spider on Vash's head- I didn't kill it.

Vash: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! -runs around in circles while smacking at his head-

Knives: You know, Vash, you scream like a little girl. -calmly walks away-


	4. Reasons

**Okay, now _this_ one was preeeettty random. Yaoi references, obviously, and so on, so forth...bear with me, it was very late at night/very early in the morning, done by an insomniac on caffeine. But I would like to thank my reviewers((gets sentimental)) Without you, this could have never happened! ((sniffles))  
+**

Knives: _-dancing lightly to party music-_ Hey, Vash, you should really drink this stuff.

Vash: Oooh...what is it?

Knives: It's just punch!

Vash: I don't know...-_looks suspiciously at liquid-_

Knives: Oh, come on, just try it! It's JUST punch, you baby!

Vash: I guess..._-takes cup, sips lightly at punch-_ Hey...wait! This stuff IS good!

Knives: I know!

Vash: _-wanders off into the crowd of dancers, chugging his punch-_

Midvalley: Uh...Knives...err...

Knives: What? Did something happen?

Midvalley: Umm...Wolfwood kinda-sorta...well, you see...uh, well, he had alcohol, and...uh...

Knives: He spiked the punch, didn't he?

Midvalley: Yeah.

Knives: Ohhhh...-_realizes-_ Oh, Christ! Vash just chugged that stuff! _-fights through crowd-_ VAAASH! VAAASH, WHERE ARE YOU? Oh, God, where is that idiot!

Midvalley: _-groans-_ Uh, Knives_...-points to center of dancefloor, where a large circle has formed-_

Knives: What? _-looks-_ Oooohhhh Myyyyy Gooooooddd...-_nearly dies-_

Vash: _-breakdancing in middle of floor-_ Whooo! Check this out! Hey, Knives, look!

Knives: _-covers eyes-_ Could this get any worse!

Legato: _-sees Vash-_ Hmm...he has good moves..._-moves through crowd as Sex on Wheels-_ Vash! Oh, Vash! I have a surprise for you!

Vash: _-gets up-_ Oh, hey, Luh-Gatah! Hey, you got more punch!

Legato: Yep...and these...-_pulls out handcuffs-_ Vash...could you follow me, please?

Knives: _-groan-_ NOOOOO!

**NEXT MORNING**

Vash: _-wakes up-_ Huh! Where am I?

Legato: _-wakes up, yawns-_ Hey, Cutie-Pie.

Vash: WhatthafuhappenedidIwithyoudo-

Legato: _-smiles-_ You, me...yup. All night. _-pats Vash's hand comfortingly-_ You were awesome, though. Even better than Knives. _-flexes hand-_ I think you gave me psychic powers!

Vash: _-screaming-_ I'M NEVER DRINKING EVVEERRR AGGAAINNNN!

Knives: _-bursts in-_ LEEE-GAAA-TOOOO! _-is so pissed he's going blind-_ I WILL DESTROY ALL YOU HUMANS!

Legato: _-looks around angrily-_ WOOOLLLLFFFWOOOOD! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!  
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Wolfwood:_ -gulp-  
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**This Has Been A Production of: THE REASONS WHY KNIVES IS A GENOCIDAL MANIAC, WHY VASH CAN BE SO TIGHT-ASSED AT TIMES, WHY LEGATO IS PSYCHIC, AND WHY WOLFWOOD IS ALWAYS ON THE MOVE.**


	5. Student Counselor Pt 2

**This one's for you, Hannah ((Kegger!)) You were the one chosen to be with Legato...**

Note: This one was done on insomnia/caffeine high as well.  
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Hannah headed for the counselor's office, slightly nervous. Her usual counselor was gone, and she wasn't sure who she would get.

She opened the door and entered, then shut it quickly behind her. When she looked around, a man with blue hair and yellow eyes sat in a chair, watching her. He motioned to the chair in front of him, silently.

She sat down facing him, and paused. He remained sitting there, as still as a rock, his face absolutely without any expression. Taking a breath, she started anyways. "Yeah, well, lately..."

As she spoke, the man uttered not a single word. When she finished, she waited, uncertain. But he remained as still and silent. Finally, after what seemed like an hour, he said quietly, "You now see the pain of living."

She left quickly.


	6. Student Counselor Pt 3

**And, finally, my last ((currently)) student counselor piece. This one is for Jordan...you know who you are, you doggy-haired manga thief!**

An announcement: I've recently watched the entire Fruits Basket series, and I'm thinking about putting up a story in that subject...ah...((sigh))...Kyo. Yuki. Shigure. Hatori. Haru. Akito(male). Ayame. Ahh...I'm in love! But still, my Knives and my Legato will remain the highest--or, at least, near the top--in my fickle, unfaithful heart!

So read!  
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As Jordan made his way downstairs towards the counselor's office, he wondered who he would get. All the usual counselors were gone, and a sub had been called in from somewhere.

He reached the door, and pushed it open, then glanced around. A large cross sat wrapped in a white cloth and strapped with leather in the corner; he frowned, and wondered if the counselor was a Jesus fanatic.

"Come in," a gruff voice said. He looked around and saw a man sitting in a chair, smoking a cigarette. Surprise went through him again; a _teacher smoking? _"Sit down, kid," he added. "My name's Wolfwood."

Jordan raised an eyebrow at the name, but he took a seat across from the man anyways, and waited. Finally he added, to break the silence, "Are you allowed to smoke in here?"

The man gave him a look, took one final drag off his cigarette, and snubbed it out in an ashtray on the desk. It was already filled with numerous cigarette butts and ash. Then there was silence again. Jordan waited.

Wolfwood waited too. Then he seemed to realize his job, and he said, "Oh_--_uh, er, what are your problems?"

Jordan paused, as if thinking about it, then he started, "Well, last Monday_--_"

"I really don't care," Wolfwood interrupted, and started on a new cigarette.


	7. Little Nicky

**My friends thought this was pretty cute, so I hope y'all enjoy--this'll probably be my last update in a while. Read, I commandeth thee!  
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"Nicky's grown pretty big in just a year," Meryl commented, as she watched the little toddler bobbling along the garden, gripping bushes to keep himself balanced.

Milly smiled brightly. "He has," she agreed. "But he still hasn't spoken a word yet. He talks in little shrieks." She sighed. "He already reminds me of Wolfwood."

Meryl nodded. Nick had the same black hair and sharp dark eyes, and was already developing a Wolfwood smile. She glanced up suddenly, and smiled. "Look, Vash is coming now."

Vash entered the garden, and the pair greeted with a kiss. "Hello, Milly," he said to Milly, then looked towards the toddler, who had turned around at his arrival and now stared at him with an indiscernable expression. "Come here, Li'l Nicky!" Vash said cheerfully, kneeling down and patting the ground.

Nick bumbled his way back, and fell on his face when he had to release a branch to go to Vash. A worried expression crossed Vash's face, and he picked up the toddler, smiling at him. "You okay, li'l guy?"

At first, the boy's expression didn't change, save for his wide-eyed stare. Then suddenly one of those famous Wolfwood smiles broke out over his little puffy face. Before anyone could move, Nick struck Vash in the head with one of his small hands, and his smile widened into a grin. He shrieked happily, "Spikey!"

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Like I said, hope you enjoy! **

((starts crying)) Ta-ta, my loves! I will return to you, some day, some where!  
**  
-Wolf**


	8. Truth, Dare, or Drink

**Chh-kaaa! I ISH BACK!**

**((dun-dun-dun-da))**

**Yes...NEW CHAPPIE FOR MY RANDOMNESS! I had a neat little random thingy that was bouncing around the dustbunny-ridden cavity known as my head, but I lost it, being the forgetful and easily-distracted one I am...I swear, I could rule the world if I weren't so easily distracted by shiny objects and Bishie boys...**

**Speaking of Bishies...GENJO SANZO! ((passes out)) He is, by far, the sexiest bishonen I've EVER seen! I was taking an anime personality test, and I turned up as him ((Asshole, Born Leader, Good With Guns)), and seeing his sexy pic, I did a Google search for "Sanzo", and I nearly freakin' died...ohmygodohmygodohmygod if you wanna see him, do a Google search for Sanzo, and you'll see... and THEN, I was taking a "Who Is Your Anime Boyfriend" quiz, and GUESS WHO IT WAS!**

**IT WAS SANZO! ((GAH!> ****)) I literally almost died!**

**((cough)) Okies, then, back to meh story...oh, and I'll do some shameless plugging...because I need a bit of help. I'm writing a mild-to-extremely-graphic yaoi thing, a sort of love/lust chain between the top men of Trigun...and I need a name. I have this as a description-thingy: _Legato loves Midvalley. Midvalley loves Wolfwood. Wolfwood loves Vash. Vash loves Knives. Knives "loves" Legato. _Sooo, my dear readers...help me think of a name.**

**Oh, read and review, pwetty pweese?  
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The night was pitch black outside, but was occasionally lit up with a brilliant streak of lightning. Thunder rumbled dangerously in the heavens above, and rain pelted everything beneath.

The room, lit with a number of candles that lined the room, was heavy and silent with ominous tension. A small group sat around in a circle, six full bottles of alcohol at the center.

"Okay, then, rules are, no asking the person who just asked you, no changing your mind after making a decision of truth or dare, and you either do the truth or dare, or drink, no exceptions." The words came from a voice belonging to one teenage male with pale-blond hair and cold blue eyes, his voice fully serious.

This was a life-or-death game of Truth, Dare, or Drink.

"I'll go first," he continued.

"Awww, that's not fair, Knives!" someone whined; golden-blond hair and aqua-green eyes flashed from a teen in the shadows.

"Shut up, Vash, it's fair," Knives replied haughtily. "I _am _the oldest one here."

"Still, I'm second oldest**_-_**" Vash continued, but Knives cut him off.

"Truth or Dare?"

Vash pouted for a moment, before muttering, "Dare."

Knives' grin was evil. "Kill the closest human to you."

Vash's eyes widened, but a sharp voice to his immediate left snapped, "No, Knives!" This belonged to a raven-haired, stormy-grey-eyed, small-bodied girl. "No killing!"

"That's not in the rules," Knives answered, a tantrum-face coming over him.

"That's because _you _made the rules," Meryl said sharply, crossing her arms. _"No killing."_

"Fine, then!" Knives growled, pouting himself. Then he smiled. "Kick the closest human to you!"

_"Knives!"_

"Oh, fine!" the flustered teen snapped, crossing his own arms angrily. "I dare you to run into a wall!"

Vash shrugged, got up, and ran at a wall. Just before hitting it, he stopped. "Oh, that's gonna hurt."

_"Wussy!" _a blue-haired, golden-eyed teen said in an emotionless, toneless, yet somehow condescending and disgusted voice. Vash stuck his tongue out, came back, swung up a bottle of alcohol, and took a long chug.

"Now you, Legato," he said, in hurt tones, to the empty-eyed teen. "Truth, Dare, or Drink?"

"Dare."

"I dare you**_-_**" Vash looked around frantically, then pointed towards one sax-toting teen next to Legato. "To kiss him. Midvalley."

Legato looked blankly at the Hornfreak, who stared back at him, blushing but quiet, then the psychic shook his head, and grabbed the proffered liquor bottle. When he finished with his swift sip, he scanned the room with the single revealed eye. It fell on one of the three females in the room, who stared back at him with her own one eye.

"Dominique," he said.

"Truth," she answered.

"How did you lose your eye?"

She grinned lopsidedly. "It got stabbed out with a fork." There were some wincings in the room, but Knives giggled psychotically. Dominique surveyed the room, and then she turned to Midvalley.

"Hornfreak," she nodded to him.

"Er**_-_**truth."

"Are you gay?"

There was a profound silence, as everyone silently leaned in with curiosity to hear the answer. The Hornfreak reddened rather quickly now, then he reached for the bottle. Everyone groaned loudly.

After he had his swig, Midvalley said, "Okay...Wolfwood."

"Dare," Wolfwood said quickly.

"I dare you to kiss M**_-_**" (Unconsciously everyone leaned in to hear who this person would be; due to the fact that this is a written story, and you as the reader can read what they say, which they cannot, they were not aware this 'm' was capitalized, so their eyes were rather tightly locked on the suspicious Hornfreak)**_-_**"Milly."

"Okay!" Wolfwood said delightedly, and leaned over to the big girl sitting at his side. They locked lips rather surprisingly (Nobody ever guessed that Milly could kiss like that) and after about five or six minutes, after some complaining from the others, they parted. Both looked cozily satisfied.

"Big girl," Wolfwood said. She smiled at him.

"Dare."

"I dare you to kiss me again," he said. She grinned, and there was five more minutes of tongue-tied, full-mouth, and very roaming-hand kissing, then they parted with an audible plunger suction noise.

Milly dabbed at her lips and turned her steady gaze on Knives. "Mr. Knives."

Knives, who had felt much-abandoned during this round do to the absence of the questions being directed at him, was eager for a drink, and instead of answering he swept up a new bottle and started chugging.

When he was finished, he grinned, then looked at Legato. "You."

"Truth," Legato said evenly.

"What is your life-long dream?"

A light redness spread over his cheeks, much to everyone's surprise, before he murmered something inaudible.

"Oh, don't give me the old 'to serve you' speech, Bluesummers," Knives sneered. "Be honest."

"My life-long dream," Legato said, then took a breath. "I've always wanted to be a transvestite housewife."  
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**Haha...I know, some dude/dudette out there is gonna get pissed off at me for this one with Legato, but...it's still funny!**

**A classic one: "Always wear clean underwear, because you never know when you're going to get hit by a bus!"**

**Luff me,  
-Wolf**

**((Sanzo...))  
((-Drools and pants heavily at the same time-))  
((I'd bet he'd be a nice fu_- _I mean...er...a good _lover_...probably a tiger in bed...tee-hee, my fantasies...))**


End file.
